Pirouette

Some sort of
strange and silent
gravitational pull has made this place the absolute
center of the universe to me, this
3 mile radius this is the stage and
these are the limits the boundaries of the dance so
turn on the balls of your
feet now, dear

Okay I made it!

Okay I found a spot. Going at six. Decision made. Like a champ.

Decisions to decisions.

My heart is telling me to just laze around all day. I think.

Ask and you shall

Sigh.

I just got my official Welcome email from the producers and then personally from the director of my film, and then a few from bloggers and journalists I'd written, about the record and the show....

I fkn needed that.

What am I doing here.

Have you ever done public speaking?
Have you ever talked about your personal thoughts, to a room of strangers?
Have you ever sung in front of a bunch of people?
Have you ever played the piano too, at the same time?
Have you ever written a song?
About your personal feelings?
And shared it with someone?

With a bunch of strangers?

Twelve songs?

All earnest stuff, no jokes, no irony?

Do you have any idea how humiliating and unnatural that is?

Do you have any idea how hard?

Not to do, but to think about, afterward?

Do you have any idea how much it hurts, that without everything to cover it up and fix it and make it sound good, nobody likes it?

Not even friends?

Who is she??

man i need to be doped up

i am doping UP

i cant feel

i can only cry and its only out of fatigue

tie me off

you walked around
thought yourself beautiful
just too bad they stared
just too bad they stared

broke up your crown
found you unusable
see how well you fared
see how well you fared

stole underground
to kick your heart around
banished from above
banished from above

forget yourself
your home and shot your health
left it all for love

and on their lips
delirious quips
last seen with friends
wishing them well

oh walk around
know you are beautiful
aimless and alive
broken and divine

oh walk around
know you are beautiful
summoned from the sky

ARGHHHHH

I am not pulling another all-nighter. I'm so fucking sick of this. I need to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Now my shows in 2 hours and I feel blah because I DIDNT FUCKING SLEEP and there is NO reason for it.

Chi Chi Hollywood Industry Parties

KAK SKUCHNO!

i'm glad my co conspirateur finds this as boring as i do... oh the mediocrity. oh whatta bunch of phonies. :-)

throats and hats

my glands are the size of tennis balls. my lymph nodes. and my throat hurts like hell.

i am feverish, achy, and sick.

the stress has been.

its been.

all this stuff see some of it might overlap. in august. and its all incredibly important. nothing can be compromised. yet everything might be.

itll be fine.

im superstoked.

here, my 7th hat as webmaster:

Shows This Week

So your city is covered with picture
I dunno if this works
But we're gonna fill the house

Thursday June 30th.

We'll be playing here:

We'll also be playing here:

We'll be playing there 6-26. A little Love in the Afternoon :-)

We'll be playing "Birthday."

Well I guess despite 3rd attempt, I will never be a Bridesmaid

P said "pretty soon you wont have to be... running around at fucking weddings... and wedding rehearsals... learning the steps..."

Hahahaha

its funny

but we seem so self absorbed to the civvies dont we.

and Right now I want to cry.

omg answers

somebody gimme some answers

Sorry---

Sorry, sorry, sorry that I don't respond
or show up
write back
Sorry I flake
and cancel plans
and trips
I have to make my life happen
This is what it is
and how it is
You should know you should understand

CvD

REFRESH!

wahoo wahoo

menya zovut svetlana
in seattle
w the cameras

now shorten nyc to 2fer
with the silly matching gowns and catching the bouquet

now back to city of angels

now over to sincity

to serenade the circus

now back to seattle


and back.

i TOLD you i spend
and inordinate amount of time
MACH 2

probably about.... 1000 hrs. in my life. i dont know how many miles that is. but unfortunately i havent saved any up.

Book a trip

And get a job

That's how it always work isnt it??

Now in one month I could to be in 5 different timezones.

Tunn!!!

How to communicate with the spirit world TODAY:

See patience when its through with poetry
see it once for yes
see it twice for no

what goes 'round comes 'round

In thailand.

omg now im sick
i was sick yesterday and now im still really sick
and they think i'm making it up??
my body has held up up up up on its toes for a damn long time
overseeing

let me collapse

for one fucking weekend

SHIT

or my throat will explode and
the singer will have no strings

Maintenant when all the work is done
je bavarde w free coffee n the ambience is fun

i have nothing to say

except that some things in life are real

money is a construct... currency is real
luck, revenge, guilt... i can't fathom these things
plane tickets are real
so is tape
and film

time is elastic
but moments in time are real

life is a path
not a point

august is real
new york is real
i will really be in new york in august

airports are electric
people move through them

like trains passing in the night

nobody can ever stop
i hardly stop
but i stop all the time
i stop all of it, the time
i stop the time
i can stop time

create a moment that the winds bend around
touching the intangible

all it takes is certain numbers in a certain order
summoned up invoked
to align
these silver stars

ok im just really tired at this point... i just fell asleep on the sticky black leather flat couch in the studio while my song is being mixed at full blast, its freezing cold, there are bright overhead lights, im just laying face down, my head was in my laptop.

sheesh

the heaviest lids on the planet

and drymouth

Affix

i come here
afraid of what i'll see

afraid of what i won't

not afraid of anything.
i don't know the meaning of fear they said and it is true.

the second longest day ever is halfway through.

can i stop for a while
before coming to you

i went to the ukraine and i went to alaska
and pico and fox and the traffics a bastard
they watch and they judge but with smiles on their faces
and they watch not from here but from all sorts of places

modesto
and huntsville
and brooklyn wisconsin
ohio chicago oh then on the road

to crowds in hollywood june 26th
to crowds in vegas on august 26th

now nap up
and jolt up

and finish the mix!

AGHH

whoa today was too much
i had an hours sleep cuz i worked til 6 am and then had a private coaching session in the morning for this oddition
then i found out i had a callback for the ukrainian teenage crimimal movie
i was never informed, until today like an hour before it like
well are you going to be able to make it?
the fucking place is like an hour and a half drive in traffic
i wasnt dressed for it
my manager was communicating by TEXT (CMC) and im driving in circles like a clown
negotiating whether there was any point in driving there
considering the traffic
it was just a fucking stress mess finally i realized i couldnt make it in time
and i turned around

im so tired
going out of town in august is scaring me
and i have the oddition tomorrow
and after working on it with my coach
they sent a FUCKING revision

i just need to sleep
my place is a sty though of course

but everythings lovely good
its just the rains it pours
and in some areas,

drought

zumba

is a fckn BLAST!!!!

i like making use of my gym membership. its healthy. im an obvious ballerina in the class cuz every time we learn a new step i automatically start with a turnout, pointed toes, arms moving into 5th position, and cetera and on... but only the first time or two or maybe three we do it. i got soul too, damnit!

the class is an hour of endorphin rush and cardio moves mixed into the choreography (which i sometimes slack on... all the dancers in the class occasionally slack on the hardcore cardio shit, but the non-dancers do them full-on. its fckn impressive. i feel like i would throw up if i didnt halfass some of those cardio moves.)

anyway. i recommend it highly. time to clean up the dom.

wow

wow. just totally lost all interest in this blog. in a week. just like that huh? yup just like that.

Blondie

whoa

HACK-Err

ohhhhhhhhh good

these mixes sound juuuust fantastisch.

i got to go in and be a ukrainian teenage prostitute and ad lib a bunch of cursing. clearly they had no idea what i was saying. i think, i couldve possibly said ANYTHING.

then the english lines, for the character, were all fucked up, cuz like, when people write in dialects, they have no idea what they're doing usually, and its inconsistent. i mean this character had a line that was so artfully poetically and prescriptively correct and sophisticated, and then one that was caveman, and most that were like, regular english. anyway.

now, im really tired. im real, real tired.

technology's being REAL weird today.

my phone, apparently, has been browsing the net, of its own will and volition, while im taking naps... the wackberry...

and ive gotten so little sleep.

ok.

i'm napping til 5.

So

Finally settled with nut downstairs. I cant even get into it. But of course I was not paranoid in my suspicion that this was passive aggressive behavior aimed at me. Cuz, now it all came out, and of course he is kissing my ass, fucking twat, after.... OOOHHHHH I can't right now. Still the stress and the hell. And I have an early morning odd-ition. And it's almost 4. And I'm exhausted. Oh fucking well.

the Artful Dodger

when it comes to design and computers
i'm getting suspicious of windows XP.

R

why dontcha love me no mo'
s'it cuz im retarded
maybe so, maybe so
you feel you got bombarded
never know, never know
the simpleton could be goldhearted
maybe so, maybe so
how couldja be so heartless

ive been awake for so long my heart feels kinda broke

im actually stoked about everything and have a ton to do, thank god(s), devils, etc

but i really need to just get some sleep

because at this point im just wacky

Virgin

Meep!!! Casual photos of the band taken by my favorite favorite shooter ever who I haven't seen in a YEAR because of some drama involving a wedding, ahem.

Oh and a flood of compliments from girlfriends and even the agent about the color of my hair....

Ahhh, actually, I haven't touched my hair in about 7 months. It has been abstinent for the first time since I was sixteen (just like me)-- it is maiden.

Oh the glory of not doing anything.

So always interesting what sort of roles the A sends me at these random times. I attribute this to the no makeup and natural hair, but, some examples:

"W-------M-------:(18 to play 16-17) - Bred and raised to be a criminal by an extended family of criminals - There's a heart in there, but it takes some digging to get at it."

"S------------: 18, a blonde Ukranian girl with cold eyes, she is one of the abductees, now the "eyes and ears" for those in charge at Oasis Storage. Mean, haughty, even violent, she is outraged when it seems..."

HAH. Teenage criminals. Really. Really? Is that how I read?

Hey, hi you, hi, gnu! YOU, youuuu, yer GOOD, YOU! you're a good gnu, because you're all cat, just all cat, a cat shaped person... it's catface, and you know how much i love you, you're a fur person and youre the prettiest cat i know, and the goodest, you're the goodest, you're goodest thing, and you just want love, you love love! you love to be loved and right now we're gonna be HERE and purr it out until you've had enough, because youre the best little girl because youre a BABY youre just a little baby kitty even if youre looooong!!! oh youre good, good you.

ho jeez

3 allnighters in a week and its already whensday

which mhent i couldnt park the car anywhere in the morning

i swher to god, about this twit downsthers

i mean it

but it's he's like the worst musician ever. i mean, its embarrassing, from up here even, it really is... its like someone really SHITTY did the score for everything.
like, hans zimmer and ABBA's cross eyed, deaf, lovechild
like danny elfman and randy newman had a conceptual abortion
like

no thats mean but

DUDE SHUT THE F UP ONE TIME

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

self-diagnosis III

symptoms: retarded
fairly accomplished

self-diagnosis: high-functioning retarded adult
PMS

treatment options: lobotomy; muzzle; muffler; embroidered scarlet "R" on
garments; exercise; drug therapy: (anti-psychotics;
contraindications: vicodin)

prognosis: not bad

WARNING: GROUP LIVING NOT RECOMMENDED

Moe D'Aliddy

its 2 o clock, where the fuck are your children at?

moans

VIII
the PM (prime minister)
of kloque
shuffled and shuffled and spread
i organized
a celtic cross
i covered me
i spoke of loss
and the difference
between
the sprout and the bean
it is a golden wring
it is a twisted string

and the danger danger danger was a
white coat
and the danger danger danger was a
broad boat
and the water water water streaming clear beneath the
broad moat
and the hollow hollow chatter of the talking of the tadpoles
who know the outside

should we go outside

should we break some bread

are you interested

quatrain

The sky smells like rain
that reminds me of a certain
electricity youve got and
im stirring again

Ode to the Longest Week Ever

Wahoo wahoo woo, there are only about 24 hours left in you

Wait.

That was a mistake.
That was wrong.
I need it back.
I need it back!
It was not finished.
It was the wrong stone.
You have to give it back.

if charllie parker was a gunslinger

If not the elegant, perfect FORMALITY of this twit having moved in downstairs, i swear to god i would kill him. Or go say something, or something.

lets switch it up
clean MY house today
the front doors open
the keys under the mat

mortif

i am the color of the ripened sun
i have a fever of 101

its bad wanna help me

all-nighter & the cure-for-insomnia walked into a bar....

CMC versus Traditional Spoken Communication: Exploring the varying use of language in communicating individual social identity in face-to-face interaction and email.

Abstract: As often noted, the constantly growing use of CMC (computer-mediated communication) has naturally created a (nascent, constantly and rapidly evolving) unique standard language or dialect—it is not just a cultural context, but a culture of its own, which itself includes standards of etiquette for different contexts. Just as cultural differences in regional dialects, or between people of different genders, or ethnic or socioeconomic backgrounds have been shown to lead to miscommunications if they are not translated properly, the differences between individuals’ use of language online and in person can lead to equally drastic miscommunication. The same factors, such as personal warmth, politeness, and proficiency—or the ability to appropriately assess register and interlocutors, which may be misinterpreted and lead to inaccurate negative (or positive) perceptions are communicated through interactional style via telecommunication, as in any spoken dialect.
Due to the relatively recent emergence of the technology, and the unprecedented rapidity of its prevalence, it is impossible to have established the cultural norms of other spoken and written dialects. While these are also constantly undergoing changes, these changes are gradual in comparison to the changes of a language born out of almost daily technological revolution! There has been countless speculation and study about the efficiency of CMC in the workplace and the possible democratization or “leveled playing-field” which results from its faceless interface, eliminating discrimination based on race, sex, age, etc. There have also been studies to the contrary, showing that tendencies among different genders, and certainly education levels, exist online much as they do face-to-face. One of the most troubling aspects of cyber-communication is that of “cyber-bullying,” and the fact that, even when not concealing their identity, teenagers (and adults… or their mothers, as in the tragic case of (cit. needed)) behave extremely cruelly online, expressing themselves through words and images far more rarely used in “real life” interaction—all id all over a computer screen.
These phenomena have been examined by psychologists and sociologists, but it is hard to find a sociolinguistic study of the way people establish their social identity through CMC—specifically, through e-mail, which is not as new, or limited (and necessarily terse) as “texting” or “chat,” or as contrived and formal (and necessarily hierarchical) as discussion forums. If there are consistent patterns in the way people communicate via one medium that correlate with the stylistic, linguistic choices they make in the other—if this sort of code-switching can be studied, understood, and thus decoded, then perhaps people can communicate more naturally, more honestly, and more clearly in this new modality, that must be really be considered the “fastest-growing language in history.”

10 random subjects were asked the same six basic questions on two different occasions—once in person, and once via email—in an informal setting. While the subjects were informed that their answers were being used as part of a survey, they were not aware of the topic of the survey—which perhaps would have affected the responses—but rather informed simply that it was a sociological study, and four of the six questions pertain to their opinions of life in Los Angeles. The subjects were initially interviewed in a public setting—a café or bar, after initiating conversation with the interviewer. The interviews were conducted in a conversational tone, with the interviewer including some follow-up questions or supportive minimal responses when appropriate. The conversations were recorded and the responses transcribed. Each subject was then asked for their e-mail address and informed they may be contacted for some follow-up questions within a week. Each was then sent an email with the same six questions and three additional questions, including their age. The email was written simply and rather informally, in order to keep a similar tone by the interviewer, and avoid a shift into asymmetrical language. The follow-up emails were sent 5-7 days after the initial interview in order to avoid responses potentially affected by the perceived need to answer the questions in exactly the same way; however, in some subjects this was a noticeable effect.
Each individual subject’s spoken and email interview were then analyzed for differences in the amount of information given and candor, the linguistic style—politeness, formality, and dialectical choices, and the linguistic security or insecurity reflected by the responses, in order to identify a consistent difference between CMC and unmediated conversational styles. While a few variant trends were generally consistent among all respondents, certain qualities varied greatly, and then the interviews, both email and recorded, were compared between the respondents, considering gender and age, and the documented tendencies among these factors. A noteworthy possible finding of this study relates to the prominence of these variant tendencies within CMC and unmediated communication, respectively. Limitations of this study include small sample size, time and resources, and the inability to account for demographic factors such as education level and socioeconomic status, which may account for individual proficiency or access to computers, and issue of timeliness for each respondent (two of the ten subjects did not respond to the follow-up email). These are considerations for future study.

numb3rs

i have a 20 pages to write
in 24 hours
10 respondents
12 items each
3 other assignments
$184 tickets
and naturally

a body temperature of 102

::shudder::