My insomnia as of late could only be described as RAGING.
I get tired and I know deep down I'm tired but whenever I drift off, and as soon as I do, within 30 minutes or so, I wake up, body burning, heart pumping, limbs burning for intense physical movement, eyelids heavy but mind keenly alert....... regardless of what sleeping pills, or hour, or improved "sleep hygiene" i.e. conscious and deliberate abstaining from computers, techtronics, LED lights in general.... and there's been a general all-prevailing sort of emotional RAWNESS from the inside out of me-- something nothing like depression though very likely physiological and definitely NOT idiopathic, fact, for once in my life I don't think it'd be... UNWISE... to consider the possibility that maybe something IS wrong and needs to be addressed as opposed to just chalking it up, without a second thought, to the behavior and/or misbehavior of my neurotransmitters. Though, well, it is that. It is that, that and residue. Because I've rather addressed, introspected, and addressed that which needs to be addressed, not that doing so provides an immediate solution, cuz, fact, I've addressed it a million times, inwardly, and outwardly, slowly as is my fashion, more Tortoise than Hare, so what, I prefer to think before I speak or take action.......... I'm even relatively slow out here on the West Coast where things are thought to be slow, and I've come to accept this after my years in New Amsterdam wherein folks react halfway through the causal action's completion, and seem to harbor an arsenal of retorts and genuinely witty dismissals on their tongues, that, for all their silvery steel, serve to do nothing but stop a conversation in its tracks.... Verbal cluster bombs, Geneva-ban notwithstanding, that land, with precision, at a target suggestion, and proceed to detonate upon contact, releasing shells and shrapnel propelled so furiously from the center out as to knock out all other existing ideas as well. ...
...That still happens here, too...
Anyway, what was this rant about?
Oh yeah, rawness and residue.
Naw it makes sense to be chemical.
I was abed and food poisoned for days, taking equine doses of sedative and now I'm still both illness-affected and in some minor withdrawal, and, perhaps a resultant mania.
Whaddya gonna do.
More time to meself and to write, that's never a bad thing.
I get tired and I know deep down I'm tired but whenever I drift off, and as soon as I do, within 30 minutes or so, I wake up, body burning, heart pumping, limbs burning for intense physical movement, eyelids heavy but mind keenly alert....... regardless of what sleeping pills, or hour, or improved "sleep hygiene" i.e. conscious and deliberate abstaining from computers, techtronics, LED lights in general.... and there's been a general all-prevailing sort of emotional RAWNESS from the inside out of me-- something nothing like depression though very likely physiological and definitely NOT idiopathic, fact, for once in my life I don't think it'd be... UNWISE... to consider the possibility that maybe something IS wrong and needs to be addressed as opposed to just chalking it up, without a second thought, to the behavior and/or misbehavior of my neurotransmitters. Though, well, it is that. It is that, that and residue. Because I've rather addressed, introspected, and addressed that which needs to be addressed, not that doing so provides an immediate solution, cuz, fact, I've addressed it a million times, inwardly, and outwardly, slowly as is my fashion, more Tortoise than Hare, so what, I prefer to think before I speak or take action.......... I'm even relatively slow out here on the West Coast where things are thought to be slow, and I've come to accept this after my years in New Amsterdam wherein folks react halfway through the causal action's completion, and seem to harbor an arsenal of retorts and genuinely witty dismissals on their tongues, that, for all their silvery steel, serve to do nothing but stop a conversation in its tracks.... Verbal cluster bombs, Geneva-ban notwithstanding, that land, with precision, at a target suggestion, and proceed to detonate upon contact, releasing shells and shrapnel propelled so furiously from the center out as to knock out all other existing ideas as well. ...
...That still happens here, too...
Anyway, what was this rant about?
Oh yeah, rawness and residue.
Naw it makes sense to be chemical.
I was abed and food poisoned for days, taking equine doses of sedative and now I'm still both illness-affected and in some minor withdrawal, and, perhaps a resultant mania.
Whaddya gonna do.
More time to meself and to write, that's never a bad thing.
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