rage

Fuck it.
I can't write angry music, and who cares about my fucking music, well, its therapeutic but... here we go.  Here it is.  No names, but the bullet points separate the messages.

• You're a flake.  
• You're a fucking flake.  Every time.  It's unfathomed.
• You, are, like, are you serious??? You can't just-- I mean I understand emotional unavailability, I understand the need, occasionally, more than occasionally, but I would never allow myself-- I hardly ever allow myself to act on it at all, let alone just fucking not, just fucking not, when I've always done everything in my power for you, at the drop of a hat.  Just mindblown and wild.
• You, you, are a bunch of fucking assholes. 
• You're a judgmental shit.
• You, I don't know what to say about you, except that... well, shit.
  
  
  Furthermore, NOBODY CARES.  I mean, most people just don't give a RAT'S ASS.  I can't, I can't, the time is making me cry cuz there's no time and I have to go to traffic court tomorrow AGAIN so I can't down that bottle of pills and die cuz I have to take care of that, that fucking, MISERABLE, I have nothing to look forward to right now I just want someone to CARE I JUST-
  
  
  I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO CARE WITHOUT HAVING TO CARE BACK.  like a child.  yeah.  like a fucking baby, thats what I want.  thats what i want.  im battered bruised and underslept and always fucking chasing the dragon
  
  
  I just want my MOMMY.  I WANT MY MOMMY, i want my mommy, i've lived this whole thousand years without a mommy and i had to be the one taking care of her too young, too soon, i wonder what she would think about what im doing this MESS i'm in.  she would think its fucking stupid.  
  
  
  an egotistical no egomaniacal pursuit and im asking all these people to waste their time doing this my BULLSHIT and i just get so sad 
   
  someone once told me they said to me when i asked when i asked if they care about someone, because they have to they asked, 'have you ever cared about someone because you had to, have you ever had to care about someone?' and they said 'its not that simple, is it.'
  and its not.  i just want to not have to 
  
  
  i just want a confidante, i just want a confidante to whom i can tell anything without having to CARE and i want i confidante who isnt jealous or weird and i want i confidante who's just objective and always CARES, whether they like it or not.  and i want a confidante i dont want to kiss.  and i want a confidante i dont have to pay.  and I WANT MY MOMMY and i want something that doesnt exist 
  
  
  and i want something that doesnt exist
  and i want something that doesnt exist
  
  
  and i want an everloving break from my physiological AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH