Sigh

Tonight there is a rusted dimly glowing perfect amber sliver of a moon

Tomorrow there will be no moon at all

A new moon

Tomorrow I will sing my heart out

Tonight I will relax... let myself feel inspired, and sleep, for 10 hours.  Before 2 am. 

We're on at 8.  Be there.  Or pray for me.

what was i thinking when i nearly ran that girl down

what WAS she thinking

my car is totaled

girl totaled, totally rammed into me

went to rehearsal

and now i'm looking at my car and i'm so sad.  i feel so bad for my car.  this totally sucked.  it's like everytime i think about................ i can't get a break.

whyd you put this curse on me o universe?

O but that's silly thinking, and out of character for me.

I know you are no giver of curses, not anymore, and not to me, you've been a giver of blessings... often in disguise... and another, and another, and another disguise on top.......

But this may well be a blessing in disguise.  I love Betty Blue aka The Blue Smear, and I will certainly be mourning him.  But, best possible case scenario-- the girl admits fault, I get some cash, I get a new Betty Blue and I'll better care for her this time.  She was coming apart- I loved her, I resented her, she cost me so much money in parking tickets... this time no.

I know you know.  I mean, I know you NOW.  I know how you operate.

All blessings, in disguise, shouted out to the universe, in times of despair. 

netflix insta!

Network
Eat Drink Man Woman
Call Girl
4

i could write for starbucks--

heres to shorter days and longer nights
and not minding one bit
heres to better filling the room, playing a show in redondo beach

heres to everything that might as well have been lost in the mail, right?

heres to the fall at least
shorter days

Love,
CvD

hey.

;-)

shaking a cup

my cat just scratched the shit out of me 

I'm so SICK of shaking a FUCKING CUP at you all
you know some people actually just like my music?  some people just enjoy it?
you FUCKERS
seriously
dont give a shit
none of you
and thats a-ok
DONT GIVE A SHIT
just dont, dont fucking, EXPECT
that showing up to a show
indebts me to you
for some favor
that i will somehow fucking OWE YOU

thats how i fucking feel
motherfuckers

i want to beat someone to death right now
what kind of time do you motherfuckers think i have
a drink??? you think i want to go out for a fucking drink with you??? youre going to ask me every day??? i dont want to go out for a fucking drink, or dinner, or to some party or to be your date at some CAA fucking stupid event you fucking idiot why the fuck would i want to do that and why cant you just leave me the fuck alone you ABJECT FUCKING STRANGER

the answer is FOREVER NO.  NO.  NO.  NEVER.  NEVER.  SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DO YOUR JOB.  you think that like i owe you a fucking date if you come to a show?  NEXT TIME I WILL PUNCH YOU IN THE FUCKING FACE IF I EVER SEE ANY OF YOU MONSTERS IN PERSON

leave me the fuck alone
i feel like i want to die
dont you know im involved with someone, and with a lot, how deaf are you to everything i say, i feel
i feel nauseous
and angry
my cat just scratched me
ITS SIX IN THE FUCKING MORNING

i want to throw up

i HATE you
you downstairs-living deluded fucking motherfuckers
you facebook using

i feel so nauseous
i want to tear out my hair
i want to die
i dont want to go ANYWHERE
i dont want to have to wake up
at ANY TIME
leave me the FUCK ALONE ALL YOU RULES AND REGULATIONS
all you NICETIES AND BANAL BULLSHIT
all you RETARDED NAMES AND STUPID PHOTOS
all you fucking SCHIZOS
all you fucking WANNABES
fuck the FUCK OFF, MEN

my cat just scratched the SHIT OUT OF ME
its six in the FUCKING MORNING
AGAIN
i feel like i will never die

And you, YOU BITCH, you will never, ever, get your head out of your own ass.  never.  never ever ever there for me.  i dont even care anymore.  im done with it. 

HEY

how are you?
thats what i really want to know. 
enough about me.  really.