Feeling old

And dejected
Like nothing is worth the trouble it causes

Like I'm really incompetent at everything I try

I try to manifest these things into my life

I always do

They happen very quickly

And then I see that I can't handle them, can't do them right, can't affect anything or anyone in a positive way

Not the students, not the friends, not the collaborators, not the listeners, not the family, not even myself.

I feel so old though I'm relatively young

I feel like a young person who's old at heart and who's never been able to touch

Anything, or anyone, without ruining it completely.

You're better off leaving me alone.

My magic is black.  And my magic is gone.