Saturday, September 10, 2011

9.10.

So I arrived back home, emotions unadulterated by braincoolant, which stuff I'd ran out of, which wasn't so  bad actually... yeah I got back and the urge to emotionally adulterate was significantly lessoned [sic].  And I wanted to write but I WAS fucking tired and I wanted to say how much more I appreciate in hindsight and who doesn't I know but the last month-- the last exhaustive [sic] month, month or two, was beautiful how, wedding withstanding even... Not withstanding... How now that it's all over though-- how for a change-- I don't feel suddenly bored or depressed or doom and gloom how I didn't even allow myself or desire for myself a three-day coma how I took care of things and then went to dance class and sat around and problemsolved with my like-minded logical girlfriend how I sobbed when I first saw Masha, laid down on the floor and sat her on my chest and just BAWLED
How I miss people still and miss people already and have missed people and how I only really saw one sparkle of the magic of megan's method on the last day filming because I was a bit isolated the entire time how much I LOVED (and usually love, specifically-) the makeup artists but how I really loved this one
How I sat window on the flight back when I usually sit aisle but how I looked down over the Pacific Northwest landscape at the perfect squares of irrigated farmland in green, brown, darker green, yellow brown, brighter green brighter grown and how I love this country and how I'm ready to keep living in it and how I'm almost finished with my book and how I sort of wish I could've taken a class this semester but how it's kind of neat that I don't have the time, how for once I have a bit of money in the bank and how quickly I know it'll disappear
And how I always count down as a plane lands, backwards from 10, til it hits the runway and how I time it perfectly and how my father taught me that once.

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